I am waisting myself
Some time ago I had a crush on one immature guy: he was keeping asking me to wait for his feelings to turn on. Inside me I knew there was something between us, but that wasn’t love.
Finally one day I managed to answer: “Giving you love is like throwing petals on the desert!”. Saying it gave freedom back to me.
Not only in romantic relationships, but in any kind of daily life situations we may waste ourself chasing a big fat nothing. I am going to tell you how does it feel, and I know some of you may have experienced the same.
You do a lot, you think a lot, you go everywhere, you build castles in your mind, it’s hard but you keep trying because maybe the next time is the right one… Unfortunately I am not talking about an investment, but a waisting of energies. Nothing good comes and it’s not a matter of patience.
If you put a seed in the earth and you take care of it then you are going to have a plant: you know something will come and at some point you will even see it coming. If you put the same seed in a money box, or your savings in the earth, nothing good will come despite of your caring attentions.
What if this is the only love, the only opportunity I have… I was telling myself that time. I was sticking with the fear of losing something good without realising I was afraid to let go something heavy. Until one day I managed to say a very spiritual “fuck off” to my fear and I decided to move on.
We don’t need to be afraid of our fear and anything negative in our life. Frustration, weakness, confusion are all fine: if we live them for what they are and then we let them go it’s absolutely fine. It’s like we are arrows: we need to be nocked, to go back and to deal with tensions before being throwed forward.
Hard times just need to be embraced and then released.
Understand those seed and soil are not right for each other, forgive yourself for the drainage of energy flowed away and be brave, start again.
Be focused, you are just going to be throwed where you really belong.
Sending you love.