The love you deserve

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They told us a story…

“Once upon a time” is something very familiar to many of us: it usually introduces adventurous stories of princesses and knights, living in fantastic words where everything is possible. They told us the princesses were always in danger and the heroes coming to save them would have been finally deserving their love and the happy ending.

And now here we are, seeking for someone to save us or to be saved… That someone who will give a sense to all the bad and unfair things happening to us, who will look in our eyes seeing what no one else was able to recognise before. Someone to dress up as princess or knight, to be proud of, our constant certainty in life.

What love do we deserve?

I am not going to tell anybody how to love: everyone has to understand a specific lesson even when it comes in relationships.

Anyway I would like to point one topic out: where we decide to drop the responsibilities. Some of us are often quite quick to say the beloved one is making them angry or disappointed, or even happy like never before. The risk to involve the partner as the main responsible of our feelings is to give him/her too much power on us, letting him/her do good or bad weather.

I think to love is the art to be open and trustful without withering and to spread the own fragrance without overwhelm the partner’s one. This is the moment where self awareness is mostly necessary to maintain a balance between “me” and “us”.

The love we all deserve is the aware one.

What do I need to learn?

Some of the biggest life lessons come with love, either in happy moments or when we feel alone and frustrated. Important people coming in our life bring something really precious with them: the possibility for us to mirror.

I believe people emotionally close to us act as the mirror of the behavioural message we send them. If for instance our beloved one is not respectful or kind with us we mostly get angry and think they are unfair, we can even complain with someone else describing all the horrible things he/she is saying or doing without any evident reason. The truth is different: we are accepting and legitimating their behaviour.

Are we behaving as people who want respect and kindness back? Are we sure this is the right person from who to expect kindness and respect?

Stop seeking the happy ending

I learnt that before expecting someone to love and accept us we need to do it ourself, in solitude. Escaping this moment is like delaying an exam again and again when it’s just a matter of facing the fear: it will be surprising how deep and healthy can be the relationship with ourself if we take care of it.

I found incredible how even external situations could unexpectedly go in the right way once I embraced myself in solitude.

With love.

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