The divergent thought

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Here you are.

Unexpected and unwanted.

But you don’t care, you just come without invitation, you are not careful, neither respectful.

I was in a positive state of mind, thinking about my businesses, when you suddenly came and slapped me hard on the face.

Or maybe you stabbed me right straight to the heart.

I’ve immediately recognised you from your attitude, we know each other for so long. You are that invisible monster who kept me awake at night, when I was a child afraid to sleep alone.

You were with me each and every step of my path, sometimes hiding behind the bushes, sometimes pretending you were ignoring me.

I thought you were gone for good the last time, I thought I was finally immune to your tricks.

I was wrong.

You are still present everytime someone disappoints, uses and underestimates me; your knives are still pointed and sharp after such a long time.

I am different though. I realised it when I was looking at myself in the mirror: I was so tired and shocked, as usual, I was putting all the responsibility on my shoulders. But at some point, while I was looking at my exhausted face, there was a lightning, a very brief one: for the very first time I had a divergent thought.

When that someone was disappointing, using and undervaluing me, I have finally realised the problem was not inside myself.

I have stopped one of you knives and I have throwed it away.

It took me a long way, but here I am, my friend, you cannot hurt me  so deeply anymore. Possibly you are going to chase me for a while, and I will let you come, I will smile at your face, I promise I won’t ignore you.

You are friend of mine now that I know you are not able to defeat me. I will let you come alongside me, like a companion, and, from now on, you will be always loyal to me.

I feel stronger and my pace is safer now you are with me, and not against me.

I have finally listened to your message, and  now it is my mantra: don’t take the things personally, don’t try to fix the things outside putting everything on your shoulders. Express yourself, and if you can, with your time, forgive.

No one is perfect, and now I am stronger.

Sending you love.

 

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